Socialism is on the rise in America. Capitalists are on the defensive. So I’ve put together a handy list of rules to use whenever debating anyone who doubts the power of the Flying Invisible Market Hand to solve all life’s problems.
1. When market liberalization has a positive impact (such as in Chile), this is a victory for capitalism. When market liberalization has a negative impact (the recent economic meltdown), it’s because there is government intervention somewhere and free markets don’t really exist (therefore, capitalism is not responsible).
2. When they are doing things you don’t like, countries like Venezuela and Norway are socialist and therefore doomed to fail. But if someone makes the argument that socialism can work and uses these countries as examples, point out that they are actually capitalist.
3. When the government charges for its services (taxes), this is theft. When private enterprises charge for food and rent, this is just.
4. Theft is the worst crime known to man. It is a far worse that rich people are forced to pay taxes (if their accountants can’t get them out of it) than that poor children are allowed to go hungry.
5. Speaking of which: capitalism is both the fairest AND the toughest philosophy. If you think it’s unjust that children starve, you’re a pussy and need to awaken to the harsh realities of life. If you think that progressive income tax is a good idea, then you are an unjust Nazi bastard.
6. As an alternative to # 5, you can just claim that the US is actually a socialist nation and therefore starving children in this country are the fault of socialism. However, when it compares favorably to China or Soviet Russia, the US is a capitalist nation (refer to rules # 1 and # 2). Socialism puts naive faith in the nature of humans. But people would be good natured enough to donate to charities if they didn’t have such tax burdens.
7. Even though Karl Marx literally wrote the book on capitalism, his very
concept definition of capitalism is “flawed.” Capitalism doesn’t mean what Marx said it meant, it means whatever capitalists say it means. Therefore, his whole critique is invalid. Also: Stalin and Mao killed millions of their own people – therefore nothing Marx said was ever correct.