“My forays into the the wilder side of human sexuality (think of me like a prurient Desmond Morris, or an archaeologist of the aberrantly amorous: Indiana Jones in the Temple of Poontang?) has been a real eye opener – uncovering numerous names for sexual practices I would never have guessed took place (the other weekend I had a long discussion, in the pub naturally, about what docking involved, which may have turned up a sexual deviance I never knew existed. So I know I shouldn’t be surprised when I stumble across something new but I am:

“Edward Smith, who lives with his current “girlfriend” – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not “sick” and had no desire to change his ways.”I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love,” he said. “Maybe I’m a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it’s just wonderful.

“I’m a romantic. I write poetry about cars, I sing to them and talk to them just like a girlfriend. I know what’s in my heart and I have no desire to change.” He added: “I’m not sick and I don’t want to hurt anyone, cars are just my preference.” Mr Smith, 57, first had sex with a car at the age of 15, and claims he has never been attracted to women or men.”

(via Damn Data: Cabinet of Wonders)

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