We’ve been covering conspiracy theory and paranoia a lot lately, so I thought it would be fun to revisit the daddy of ’em all (the granddaddy has to be Protocols of the Elders of Zion). These aren’t necessarily the most plausible, or the weirdest. Just the best.
5. The Federal Reserve did it: The dweebs behind everyone’s favorite boogy man got their bow ties in a wad over Executive Order 11110 and had JFK assassinated. More info.
4. Joe DiMaggio did it: JFK put the the United States on a decadent path (and had Marilyn Monroe killed), and our nation turned its lonely eyes to Jumpin’ Joe to restore righteousness to our country by killing a man in cold blood. DiMaggio stepped up the plate and, using his extraordinary gift of hand-eye coordination, put a bullet through Kennedy’s brain. More info.
3. Homosexual Thrill Kill: In the words of Jim Garrison (played by Kevin Costiner in Oliver Stone’s JFK): “It was a homosexual thrill-killing, plus the excitement of getting away with a perfect crime. John Kennedy was everything that Dave Ferrie was not – a successful, handsome, popular, wealthy, virile man. You can just picture the charge Ferrie got out of plotting his death.” Yeah, that makes sense. More info.
2. The CIA meant to miss but hit: One of the most plausible theories here comes from the Don DeLillo novel Libra: disgruntled former CIA agents meant to stage an assassination attempt to guide the government to war with Cuba. But they missed and blew the president’s brains out. More info.
1. JFK had himself assassinated: I can’t find a web site dedicated to this theory, but here’s the jist of it: dying of Addison’s disease, Kennedy decided to go out like a martyr and had himself assassinated.
(Much thanks to Nick Pell for his help with this article).