The Cereal Box Conspiracy Against the Developing Mind

By Michelle Handelman and Monte Cazazza in Apocalypse Culture:

Breakfast with Barbie appeals to the precious libido of pree-teen girls and boys. The pink motif of the box is targeted for girls, and perhaps sissy boys rebelling from their puppy dog tail stereotype. But the image of scantily-clad Barbie showing lots of plastic flesh might be just the perfect breakfast companion for the developing heterosexual boy. The result of this may be to confuse a young boy’s sexual orientation. This may be welcomed by food manufacturers, for market surveys have found gay men to be more avid shoppers than their hetero counterparts. For the girls, the pink design of the Breakfast with Barbie box suggests nothing more than pre-pubescent female genitalia. To this end, an optical illusion that appears on the Breakfast with Barbie cereal box panders to the primal fears of a young girl’s sexual self-discovery. In between Barbie’s legs an undefinable form emerges very pink and very erect. Is it a giant clitoris? A tongue? Daddy’s penis? Further investigation reveals the form as Barbie’s pink sunglasses which rest upon her knee.

Full Story: deflection 7.

3 Comments

  1. “…the perfect breakfast companion for the developing heterosexual boy. The result of this may be to confuse a young boy?s sexual orientation. This may be welcomed by food manufacturers, for market surveys have found gay men to be more avid shoppers than their hetero counterparts.”

    I don’t even know where to begin…

    Are we saying that food manufacturers are deliberately creating gays because we’re better shoppers? This assumes that gays are created, not born, and reinforces the stereotype that we tend to love shopping. Are we saying that heterosexual boys are SO FRAGILE that they’ll flip orientations and then maintain gayness, just because of a cereal box image?

    Gays existed before barbies, cereal boxes, and a food industry saturated in soy products.

    People need to get over the pathology bullshit, and also the pop psyc belief that anatomical dolls are a reflection of a child’s reality.

  2. I forgot to mention this article also assumes that gayness is a state of confusion, and not one of clarity. That’s pretty profound as well.

    I’m so sick of heterosexuals’ half baked introspective ideas about gayness. Give up. Heteros have been studying and experimenting on gays for at least 5 centuries now. Stop beating a dead horse. You’re not gonna know.

  3. I thought this essay was really funny. the fact that your offended is fairly laughable in itself.

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