See also my Republican parting shots.

Hillary Clinton: Since she doesn’t have any legacy other than trying and failing to ban violent video games, trying and failing to ban flag burning, trying and failing to pass universal health care, Clinton is trying to run on her husband’s legacy instead. That legacy includes the Defense of Marriage act, the Antiterrorism act, militarizing the police force, cutting welfare, and bombing the hell out of several countries. With Democrats like these, who needs Republicans? To his credit, Slick Willy made himself look “fiscally responsible” compared to pretty much all Republicans in recent memory, and managed to kill a less people during his wars. So at least there’s that. But his wife has so far voted for the Iraq War, the Patriot Act, and Lieberman-Kyl so there’s no guarantee she’ll even be as good as he.

Barack Obama: Apparently the “politics of hope” means doing whatever Chris Dodd does, and hoping it all works out. Obama has failed to show any real leadership in the senate, but he does usually end up doing the right thing. This combined with his not fully supporting expanding the police state (which supposedly translates into “soft on crime” in Beltway-speak) and his early opposition to the Iraq War makes him better than the rest of the candidates who actually have a chance.

John Edwards: I don’t buy his transformation into the new Ralph Nader. Dodd’s the more progressive senator, but Edwards is more charismatic and was a veep candidate so I guess he’s gotten the momentum. Not to be trusted.

Bill Richardson: I liked him, but he gaffed his way to irrelevance. How can this guy be a hostage negotiator?

Chris Dodd: If only he were as good looking as his Mormon wife, he might have a chance. He’s being encouraged to gun for Harry Reid’s job. I hope he does – Reid made a good minority leader but he’s been a bad majority leader.

Joe Biden: Y’know, Biden really had me going for a minute. His Iraq plan is good. He voted against the Lieberman-Kyl amendment, the Move-On resolution, and the Terrorist Surveillance Act of 2006. And he’s recently called for pressing criminal charges against the Bush administration. But then I took another look at his record and remembered that he’s exactly the sort of Democrat that makes people hate Democrats. Still, unlike Lieberman, who’s just digging himself deeper holes, Biden is doing something to make up for being a douchebag. Apparently, he’s competing with Richardson for either the veep or Secretary of State slot.

Dennis Kucinich: He saw a UFO once, which is pretty cool. Seriously though, I’ve always been hard on the guy, but he’s actually a pretty decent rep. He’s consistently been good on civil liberties, except abortion but he’s come around on that. Unfortunately, I doubt he could even win a student council election, much less a presidential one (the US House seems to be a unique breed of political animal).

Mike Gravel: Gravel released the Pentagon Papers, filibustered the draft, entered the presidential race bankrupt, makes the best campaign videos, dares to be cynical, and (unless you count Romney) is the only non-Christian in the race. Only Richardson can claim to be as accomplished as Gravel. So naturally, he’s been shut the fuck out of the race and branded a madman.

Worst? Clinton or Biden. Best? Richardson or Gravel, but they won’t win so Obama.

Have a happy holiday everyone… I’ll try to shut up about presidential candidates until at least January 3 (no promises, though).